The Neglect of Self-Care
Self-care, the act of improving or maintaining personal well-being, seems like a simple concept. Yet, many of us struggle with this essential practice. Throughout our day, we take care of others, often neglecting our own needs in the process. For many, the daily routine consists of work, followed by a lack of energy to do much else besides watch TV, eat, and go to bed, only to repeat the cycle.
My Misconceptions About Self-Care
Years ago, I would’ve advocated for the idea that coming home and watching TV was a form of self-care. However, it wasn’t until I began living on my own that I realized how poorly I had taken care of myself over the years. If I was sick, I would simply tough it out, avoiding the hassle of scheduling and attending appointments. I refrained from buying things I needed, believing that I didn’t deserve to spend money on myself. The gym was never an option; I was always tired, so why exhaust myself further? Asking for help seemed pointless—why ask someone else to do something that I could do?
My Relationship and the Love I Lacked for Myself
This was the constant feedback loop that plagued me from my teenage years until my mid-twenties. It wasn’t until my first serious relationship that I realized the depth of love I had for another person. Whenever she faced even the slightest inconvenience, I would try to fix it or solve it for her. When she was sick, I would offer to call the doctor and drive her if needed. Upon her starting a work-from-home job, I hastily bought her a desk despite my limited finances. When her car broke down, requiring expensive repairs, I immediately took out my card and told her not to worry. All these things I did for her; however, I wouldn’t have done any of them for myself.
Very shortly after she left, it became apparent that I loved her more than I loved myself. At the time, I saw no issue with that. I thought that loving someone more than you loved yourself was what love was all about.
How do you care for yourself?
Reflecting on Your Self-Care Routine
Everyone has their own ideas for their self-care routine. Some people enjoy coming home after work, kicking their feet up, ordering food, turning on Netflix, and passing out. If you’re truly happy doing that, there’s probably no need to read any further. However, if you find yourself feeling like you need a change, let me share what got me into caring for myself. For the first time in my life, I was completely on my own, and I knew that I had to make some big changes. The biggest change for me was shifting my mindset from caring about everyone else around me to caring about myself.
Befriending Yourself: The Untethered Soul
To adopt this mindset, I came across a life-changing book called “The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer. In this book, I learned how to befriend myself, which might sound silly at first, but it was a crucial step in my self-care journey. We, as humans, are wired to help others, which is why we often do for others what we won’t do for ourselves. It’s human nature to want to help others, going the extra mile for someone we love but not for ourselves. You have to spend every moment of your life with yourself, and yet you treat yourself like a minor priority.
Changing Your Inner Dialogue
To change this mindset, I began speaking to myself like I was a friend. Instead of my inner voice saying something like, “You should’ve gone to the doctor,” or, “You should’ve gone to the gym today. Look at yourself; you are fat and unattractive,” I began saying things like, “You don’t feel so good; maybe we should get some medicine and take a nap,” or, “I know you didn’t go to the gym today, but we will go tomorrow. I know you’re not happy with how your body looks, but it’s going to take time to get the body you want. One day at a time.” Once I started to change my inner dialogue, I found the ways that I needed to prioritize self-care.
Putting Self-Care into Action
Some of the self-care practices I adopted after changing my inner dialogue included setting aside time for daily exercise, making healthier eating choices, and setting boundaries in my personal and professional life. By treating myself like a friend, I became more in tune with my own needs and better equipped to take care of myself.
What Does Self-Care Look Like?
Everyone has their own view on self-care, so my list may differ from yours. However, here’s a list of practices that I’ve found helpful in promoting self-care every day:
- Prioritize Sleep: Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Proper sleep can significantly improve your overall well-being.
- Daily Journaling: I started with writing in a journal but found that recording voice memos on my phone works best for me. This helps me express myself and think things through.
- Meditation and Silence: While traditional meditation has its benefits, I’ve found that sitting in silence for 30 minutes to an hour helps me focus and address any underlying concerns.
- Regular Exercise: Going to the gym not only improved my physical appearance but also boosted my mental well-being, energy levels, and confidence.
- Therapy: I’ve been attending therapy for over three years, typically seeing my therapist for an hour each week. Although it may not be for everyone, it has been incredibly helpful for me.
- Nurturing Social Connections: Make time for friends and family, either by joining their activities or organizing gatherings. Socializing with loved ones is essential for self-care.
- Consuming Mental Health Content: Reading books and listening to podcasts about mental health has provided me with valuable insights and tools for improvement.
- Solo Travel: Embarking on solo travel has allowed me to connect with myself on a deeper level and discover my true likes and dislikes.
This is just a glimpse into the various practices that have helped me establish self-care in my life. Everyone’s list will be unique. I challenge you to create your own list and start treating yourself like you would a friend. Remember, self-care is a personal journey, so be patient and adapt your practices to fit your evolving needs and desires.
Closing Thoughts
Prioritizing self-care has the power to transform your life by fostering resilience, promoting personal growth, and deepening your connection with yourself and others. As you embark on your self-care journey, remember to treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer to a friend. By taking small steps towards better self-care, you’ll create a more balanced and fulfilling life. Each small step you take towards better self-care contributes to a more balanced, and fulfilling life.